Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
