i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
