kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
