The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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