Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
