epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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