dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
