He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
