mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize