i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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