Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
