i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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