Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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