:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
