i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
