is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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