I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
