I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
