I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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