So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
