they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
