it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
