you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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