i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
