Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Too much gin, very little bucket
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
