Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
