wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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