Jerry, you need to find god
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
