Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize