I'm really into asian looking animals
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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