she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
