do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The uberlube is also flammable
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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