Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We got so high we made milksteak
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize