Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
