i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
