I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
