Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize