I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
