All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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