you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
