I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize