I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
