mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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