I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
