im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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