Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
