You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
