god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
