Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you are never too drunk for berry picking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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