Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
