please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
