I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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