Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
