ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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