Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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