my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
