I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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