I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
