i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize