i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
