you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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