my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
