why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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