She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
this is an emotional support booty call
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
